Posted by: chocolatequilts | January 2, 2011

January 2 – Boundaries

Gosh I am going to have to try to do this the first part of the day. Here it is 11:24 and I am just posting now.

Today I am going to write a little bit about setting boundaries when it comes to  friendships. Or maybe it has to do more with talking my friend’s ear off. When I meet some one and we start talking, if they start listening then I tend to end up talking on and on. I usually end saying something like, “sorry, but I don’t get out much. “ Which is true? I do not get out of the house very often in the run of a week. I am very conscious of hogging the conversation because friends are hard to come by and I don’t want to scare them away and I don’t want them to think that I am too  high maintenance to bother with . “Once burned, twice shy “, I think the old adage goes.

I have a friend from another province. She was and  still is very up front with me when we talk on the phone. (She has learned how to set boundaries, one reason being that many of hours of her day are not her own)  Her starting point is “if some one calls and she can’t talk she will say,” I am sorry, but this won’t work for me right now, can I call you back later?” So I have learned  when I call to say “is this a good time for you? “  It is not that she is selfish with her time , but she said  one can only give out of what they have , and if you try to give more than you have (in terms of time and energy)  , you end up being resentful and that isn’t good for either party , and destroys the relationship/friendship.     When her free time to talk is up, she will say I am sorry I would like to talk more ,but I can’t right now  or I know you are have more you need to talk through, lets set a time that works for both of us to talk again . I like this approach and try to use it in my other friendships. I try not to be obsessive about it, because that can drive people around the bend as well.  🙂     Actually I am trying to extend those boundaries to my daughter Amy as well. She loves me dearly and we are good friends, but I sometimes I ask the question – am I telling you more than you want to know? , and am I giving you more advice than you want.  That way I can keep the lines of communication open and not have her be hesitant to call me.


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